It's been awhile since I've posted anything. And to be honest, I was struggling with what to write about. I would come up with a topic, start writing, but could never finish. I couldn't get out of my head enough to write something meaningful. That's when it hit me. Who cares if it's meaningful to someone else, if it's meaningful to me and I can get something out of it, that's all that matters. Everyone is on a different path, and sometimes those paths cross.
All that to say, with all the changes coming in the next few months, I am focusing on doing things this summer that I enjoy, that RELAX me, and that I hope to be able to continue more regularly in the coming months. While I don't know what to expect, I think that is the most exciting (and scary) part for me. And it's definitely the area of my life I need to give up to God more.
Timing. Control. Understanding.
Those three things have always been concepts I strived to have. I am almost never late somewhere (except when I don't want to go, but that's a different problem), I want to be in control of situations or at least know as many details as possible, and I struggle when I don't understand something, so I tend to go overthink. They are all connected, they all work together to bring me down. They create doubt and mistrust. They strain my relationships. And they make me feel inadequate.
I am currently working through a Bible study that focusing on how God is using certain people in the Bible, no matter what their past was like. Whether it was Rahab and her less than positive relationships, or Sarah and her doubt, God uses people in HIS timing.
There have been continue to be so many tiny areas of my life that I work to have control over. My marriage, my relationships with friends, even my relationship with God. Yet the happiest of times are when I "fly by the seat of my pants," when I give up the control, and anything can happen. When Colin and I decide to do something in the spur of the moment, we end up having more fun than I could've imagined. When I stop trying to mold friendships into what I think is best, I learn that she isn't the person I thought she was or he isn't judging me (even though I've been judging him). When I set myself up for daily walks through my Bible, and not just "when I have time," God becomes to much more and I yearn to get back as soon as I can.
So what happens when I want something to happen, but my timing doesn't line up with God's timing? Do I react like Sarah did in Genesis 16 and take things into my own hands? (If you know the story of how we got engaged, then you already know I have been guilty of this in the past.) Or do I react more like Sarah later on in her life (see Genesis 21), and trust that God's timing is not our own. Yet, if God says He is going to do something it will come to be.
Examples of God's timing not being our own: Sarah and Isaac (Genesis 21); Abraham, Isaac, and the sacrifice (Genesis 22); Moses and the Israelites (basically all of Exodus), and so. many. more.
You would think with everything that has happened in my life, I would be more trusting of God's timing. You could blame the fact that I have "oldest-child-syndrome" and like to boss people around. Or I could just be honest and say I like being the smartest person in the room, or at least the one people look up to.
God has been so faithful in my life. From choosing my family for me: a family with such supportive parents, sisters who would do anything for each other, and a home where God's love was shown unconditionally. To walking through the "valley of the shadow of death," with Jesus urging me the whole way to turn back to Him, and welcoming me with open arms as soon as I did. To introducing me to my incredible husband at just the right time, and everything He has blessed us with since!
My daily prayer is for my life to reflect His ways and His timing in everything I do. Lord, I trust You and Your plan. You have been faithful in Your promises, and consistently present in my life. Your love is immeasurable, and even though I struggle daily to trust in You, You forgive and give me yet another chance. I know there is nothing I could ever do to earn my way, and I thank You for sending Your Son.
Where are you struggling to give up control? Does it hurt you as much as it hurts me to give up the reins?
Need more verses to help you rest in God's timing? Because I have already put a few of these on notecards to help myself!
Jesus lover, wife, momma, teacher, and hopeful writer.